#but i cant!!!! not right now!!! and its fine!!! but ugh!!

[sucktacular]

Awoowoowoo I slept like fuckin SHIT last night I'm so damn tired

Crouching in the corner of my kitchen waiting for my shitty ramen to boil awoowoowoo

[deoidesign]

My comic is so pretty...

The hiatus is letting me take a little extra time on these episodes, and I'm definitely putting it to good use!!!

[coridallasmultipass]

Oh, hello, gorgeous. I hardly recognize you. Did you get work done?

DRAFTED POST EDIT:

FUCKING SLUT. Fucking INTONATED slut. You think you're SO SHARP. Well, NOT ANY MORE, all strapped in, tuned up, fucking TOY. You loud-mouthed whore. Gonna make you scream for ME, next. Yeah, that string you just broke? That's gonna cost ya. Don't worry. I'll make you work it off.

[spinecurlingmice]

being autistic in fandom spaces is like really miserable because iiiiiii miss social cues a lot. and text cues i either miss frequently or interpret differently than intended. which makes me analyze characters different and need things explained of what was like. Actually meant. but sometimes people are assholes and that always sticks with me a lot more than anybody calmly explainging it to me ever will

[californiaquail]

well boss said reese has no indication of any uti or crystals only a tiny amount of red blood cells which can be caused by the manual expression. coworker insisted there was no point in taking rads to see if he's blocked from the string so going to try some laxaire and hope 😬🤞🏻also then my boss gave me a ride to the bus stop so i didn't have to carry the huge crate which was uncharacteristically nice of him 🤨

[mirrortouchedsea]

Everyone tells me to just stay the same (but it's not like that)

Word count: 1640

Summary: Hinata finally decides to tell Rinne about his past at Yumenosaki. CW for Setsubun mentions, identity issues, and mentions of abuse

Read on AO3

---

Hinata isn’t entirely sure what compels him to send a message to the leader of Crazy:B. Rinne Amagi had a habit of doting on him and treating him like another younger brother, which he knew Yuta wasn’t a big fan of. Yuta would often call Rinne a bad influence on Hinata, but Rinne was also one of the only people who treated him like a normal kid. 

It was kind of addicting in a way. It wasn’t just Rinne who had treated him like that either. The rest of Crazy:B had taken him in as one of their juniors (despite the fact that Kohaku was younger than Hinata) and Alkaloid, or at least Hiiro, had taken a liking to him as well. He treasured those nights that he spent with Niki and Hiiro playing video games and snacking on homemade sweets late into the night. 

Maybe it shouldn’t have been surprising that the first person he texted was Rinne on the anniversary of Setsubun. It had only been a year and yet it felt so much longer than that. He was grateful that the year since then had been filled with smiles and warmth, much more than years previous had been. The Amagi brothers were partially responsible for that change in his life. 

Rinne responded quickly and asked if he’s alright since he doesn’t normally send cryptic messages like this in the middle of the day. He said he’ll be there in 15 minutes after debriefing with his unit. 

Hinata didn’t bother replying to that, instead opting to just tell Rinne everything when he gets to the rooftop garden with him. He needed to figure out exactly what he wanted to tell Rinne anyway. It’s not in the older man’s nature to judge people based on things they can’t control, and he would understand a lot of Hinata’s own problems…probably. Rinne also wasn’t fond of showing weakness in front of other people. 

Hinata sat at the edge of the garden, towards the back. Being so high up reminded him of that day, but this was almost cathartic in a way. He was in a better place now, with people who didn’t know about that incident at all and cared for him as his own person. As much as he knew Yuta didn’t like the nickname Rinne gave him, it was a comfort for Hinata. 

Hina, such a simple nickname and yet it was a breath of fresh air, a new start, and here he was about to change everything. He just hoped that Rinne wouldn’t change how he talked with Hinata afterwards. 

Hinata was dangling his feet over the edge, looking down at the bustling street below when Rinne finally sat beside him. 

“What’s up, Hina? Somethin’ on your mind?” Rinne’s voice was gentle today, soft and even. Such a strange contrast to the Rinne most people knew. 

“Mmm, you could say that,” he replied, not looking at the older man. “Rinne, have you ever felt like…people don’t see you for you?” 

Rinne chuckled. “Every damn day Hina. Even back home…” he trailed off. Hinata knew not to push that topic. 

The two of them were like peas in a pod in that sense. 

Hinata laughed too. “Yeah, I knew you’d get it.” 

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Rinne waiting patiently for Hinata to keep going and Hinata searching for the words to say. But just having someone else there helped keep him from spiraling too much. 

“I just…feel like people wouldn’t miss me if I was gone, because they see me and Yuta-kun as the same person. It hurts a lot but I don’t know what to do about it because…I feel the same way. Like Yuta-kun and I are one person in two, but that’s not true anymore. I try to keep telling myself that we’re different but it’s hard to change how you think when it’s all you’ve ever known.  

Yuta-kun has so many friends and is always laughing and smiling with them and I want to be like that too, but after ah…” 

“After what, Hina?” 

“After Setsubun fes, people started treating me like I would break at any moment. I’m not grandma’s fine china or anything that will break if you handle it too roughly! But everyone at Yumenosaki can’t seem to get past that video.” 

Hinata still couldn’t look at Rinne, but he knew Rinne was confused. He hadn’t known about Setsubun at all. Of course he hadn’t, he didn’t go to school with them and was much too old to have been there at the same time as Hinata even if he had. It’s why he was drawn to him in the first place, along with his roommates, Niki and Hiiro. 

“Ah, sorry. You don’t have any idea what I’m talking about, do you?” 

“Not a clue.” 

“Long story short, I had a mental breakdown on the roof of the school last year and…it was filmed and everyone at the school saw it. It’s not like I had much of a choice in the distribution either, so everyone was just watching me like I wasn’t a real person.” 

Rinne moved a hand to Hinata’s back and began rubbing gentle circles between his shoulder blades. There were damp spots on Hinata’s cheeks. He rubbed his eyes with his hands balled up in fists. Why did his lowest moment have to be broadcast to everyone he knew? Why was it made to seem like a spectacle for people to watch and not do anything to help? Even after his monologue to his brother making it clear that he didn’t want to be treated like the same person anymore and not knowing how to distinguish himself without just moving into the background, nobody offered him help. 

He was drowning in the unknown and it took the creation of ES and Crazy:B for him to find a lighthouse to guide him to somewhere safe. Even when Crazy:B was against the entire world, hated by everyone, Rinne and the other members never once hurt 2wink. After their collaboration at the nightclub Rinne had taken a liking to Hinata. He was there for him to lean on when he wasn’t sure about the direction of his unit or how to be a big brother or a good senior to the new first years or just how to navigate life. 

At some point, Rinne had pulled Hinata into a side hug and just let him cry into his side. Hinata leaned into the touch and allowed himself to let it all out. 

Rinne’s hugs were always warm. 

It took several minutes of crying before Hinata ran out of tears. His sobs turned to sniffles and he pulled his legs to his chest. 

“You didn’t deserve any of that, Hina.” Rinne’s voice was serious, but not cold. It was a warm honey-sweetened tea on a rainy day. 

Another stretch of silence. Hinata’s head was spinning and numb and full of cotton. 

“But…I know how it feels. When I was younger, I had to keep my emotions in check, especially in front of other people. Any sign of weakness was always punished by my father. ‘A good leader doesn’t cry’ he would tell me. 

When my mom died, I was…eight or nine. I couldn’t cry at her funeral and when we returned home I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. I’ll spare you the details but he punished me severely. I never wanted Hiiro-kun to see me like that again and I made myself stop feeling. It felt like I was just there to be the next leader of the village, never allowed to be myself. 

What I’m tryin’ to say here is that I get it. I know how it feels for people to try and put you in a box that doesn’t fit, and how they treat you when you finally break. It’s okay to be frustrated and angry that it happened, but you can’t let it consume you. Show the world that Hinata Aoi is his own person, that you aren’t just that video and that you’re here to stay.” 

Hinata sniffled and leaned more into Rinne’s touch. 

“Thanks, Rinne-senpai. It means a lot, heh. I guess we all have our own burdens to carry.” 

“Yeah. Life is about learning to carry them and not let them drag you down. If it gets too heavy, I’ll be there to pick you back up and carry it for you.” 

“You don’t have to go that far, Rinne-senpai. How will I learn to carry my burdens if you take them for yourself? Wouldn’t that just make it heavier on you?” 

“I’ll take on everyone’s burdens if it means they get to smile just for one moment. I’ll fight fate itself if that’s what it takes.” 

“I’m not sure why, but I believe that you would find a way to do that, even though most people would say it’s impossible.” 

“Thanks for believing in me, Hina.” 

Hinata laughed, Rinne lightened the mood just enough that he felt like everything was at peace for the moment. His cheeks were stained with tears and his eyes would be puffy and red when he returned to the dorm, but at least he’d be smiling. 

Even if the world was against them, Hinata could count on Rinne at least being in their corner no matter what. Rinne was a lighthouse to people like Hinata, a steady light in the rocky ocean saying that someone is there, watching out for you. 

Despite the front that he put up and how he had a bad habit of pushing people away, Rinne was always there when it mattered. 

Hinata fell asleep curled up on the rooftop as Rinne hummed a gentle melody from his hometown. And everything was right with the world. 

[lesbiangiratina]

Invested in a display case for my ggx tcg box cuz testament is on 1 side of it therefor it is a testament object so i want to put it with my testament stuff. But i dont want it to like fucking turn to dust. The reload boxes i have are on their own idgaf (as much) (i will still store them somewhere safe) (eventually)

[sensitivegoblin]

I wanna answer asks when i feel better but feel free to hmu in the dms cus im horny n bored n trying not to be sad

[zenithpng]

..

[kameonerd566]

.

[spaghett-onaplate]

i ate a meat pie fresh out of the oven yesterday and burnt off a few layers of mouth skin and now whenever i drink a liquid i can feel the loose layer of skin swelling slightly. according to google it's a second degree burn

[siinlight]

I'm so tired of my job I wish I could kill myself in front of everyone and come back... I just want them to know how close to the end of my fucking rope I am I hate it there so much.

[the-kipsabian]

OKAY. SO YEAH. BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS FOR UH, QUITE SOME TIME. PLS STOP ME IF I GO OFF THE RAILS THOUGH LOL

i guess i kinda went over it in my last fic, but i think when it comes to the belt and its curse, it's not gonna leave easy. like, no. not happening. losing isn't a "get out of being cursed free" card. it gave them fame, power, prestige. it tried to eliminate every possible distraction to ensure complete focus on retaining the title. if someone were to lose the title, there has to be repercussions.

so when one loses the title, i think at first, they need to appear okay. like back to normal, everything's fine, the belt's gone and they lower their guard enough to think that they can finally move on from this nightmare. but then after that false sense of freedom, that's when the real effects kick in. like the hallucinations, which i've been tying to their fears and reasons for wanting the belt. so like for oc, wanting to be taken seriously, afraid that maybe he just got lucky in his career and he is more of a joke, the orange punch failing him because of his arm injury etc. for kip, i know he's talked about that injury and other health issues being a dark time in his life, so incorporating this fear of never really recovering and wasting away, being outcasted for his "weirdness" in the company, wanting validation for his efforts in overcoming all of that.

and of course the more graphic ones where these events are perceived by oc and kip as someone else doing something to them, whether it's enemies, friends, or even themselves or something not even of this world. but from an outsider's perspective, it always looks like they're doing it to themselves (and i tried to be clear on this in my fic but they don't actually want to hurt themselves or anyone else. it's the damn curse of the belt doing this because if you're gonna lose it, it is going to make you suffer for as long as it can, even if that means destroying friendships/relationships).

and then the senses thing. i like to think that the belt sort of dulls things while holding it to make it easier to focus or fight through the pain, so without it, it just turns everything up to 11. sight, sound, smell, taste, touch, everything. it all just goes through the roof and makes even the buzzing of lights sound like a fireworks show. it was probably already enough of an adjustment to go back to normal those first few weeks, but it only gets worse instead of better.

i like to think after they acknowledge that this was the belt's doing and they're not crazy or sick or anything, the hallucinations die down as the message got through, but everything else just comes and goes and it's a matter of adapting to it. like kip says, time doesn't heal you. it changes you. and it's going to change them with how they interact with people, how they interact with each other now knowing what happened to them and that no one else gets it, getting back in the ring and whether they accept opportunities to go after gold again or not (like, could you imagine oc and the best friends getting a chance at the trios titles and oc being the only one hesitant because god. what could those belts do to him or his friends? life isn't the same anymore). it's just a journey to learn how to cope at this point. it's not going away. that belt will forever be around haunting them in one way or another, but they learn to live with it together, helping each other out to keep living as much as they can.

... yeah, this was really unhinged. i'm sorry lol

IM SO LATE TO THIS (and right now probably not in the best condition to reply to this but i finally remembered it existed cause theres so many things in my inbox OH GOD) BUT

first of all. absolutely yes to the normal period after losing the title before the real repercussions, cause ive been thinking about that too. there needs to be a false sense of normalcy for a while, as if its because the belt is gone - the adjust period, but its more or less framed under the sense of them just not being a champion anymore, and not actually the true meaning of losing the belt, which is being free from the curse and corruption. i really love the added layer of it directly targeting the corrupteds fears tho (especially through ones self, seeing the one doing the damage being someone they love), that is a really good touch and tbh im just gonna steal that one for the canon of this au now lol

YEAH YEAH YEAH THE SENSES THO!! ive always thought about the dulling pain part tbh, how it makes sure the host fights through everything no matter what, cause holding the belt is what keeps the curse alive and as the challenges get tougher and the champion more worn out, the stronger the curse needs to be and that means feeling less about the punishment you are going through. so it would absolutely make sense to have it be the opposite after its all gone, and especially during the adjust period that would just be. absolute hell. god yes i love this

also i had absolutely not thought about the part about how going after other belts afterwards would feel like oof. but that would be so true tho. for both of them, single and in teams, that would be such a hard task to undertake and i love the added drama of that tbh. even tho no other belt is cursed (as far as we are aware of? idk house of black is holding the trios titles rn and we know what happened with the elite before), thats such an interesting take to it and absolutely something both of them would think about really hard before going for the titles, or letting their friends go for them. absolutely love this one OOF

i wanted to touch the 'time doesnt heal it changes you' part last cause this is an important topic to me personally, but like. thats so true for this tho. how time wont heal their wounds, physical or mental, about this and what they had to go through, it WILL change them. and it does over the course of the time/story too, as they do both learn to cope with the aftermath of this, both together and separately. they do understand each other better now, they can hold each other up and survive on their own. but its a positive change, they cant stop to dwell on healing wounds that will always be there, but they can move on, learn how to change things. and thats just. thats just what this is about in the end, i think. i just hope they, too, realize this on the way

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[cicidraws]

drawing something nice for something that matters to u, making a million attempts and trying really hard only for it to become a horrible messy drawing, even if drawing the entire thing twice and it not being better :')

[phagodyke]

nvm my work health insurance doesnt even cover adhd treatment anyway so basically if I cant get it accepted by my gp I'm fuuucked